there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
