Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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