just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
