yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
