belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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