When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
