You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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