hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
