so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
