He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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