I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
