I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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