well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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