Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
