so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
