Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
