hell yes lets make some ravioli
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
