I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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