3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i love accidental penises.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
