Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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