Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
