My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
