Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
