This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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