a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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