I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
