You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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