Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have feelings that need drinking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
