I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drunk is not a location!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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