Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
