i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
