just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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