these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
