Buhtt sex?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
