i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
