i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
