brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
