We're like a lot better than the average bears
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
