whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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