It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
