If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
