She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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