do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
