I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
