too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
