WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
