pedialite and red bull = repair kit
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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