He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
