Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
