i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
