you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
