Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
