Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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