you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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