It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
