i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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