My Higher Power is John Stamos
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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