i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
