There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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