i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
