Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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