"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
