I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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