I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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