I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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