I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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