who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
