she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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