She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
