the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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