U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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