Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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