i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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