so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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